Are you a bothered because your boyfriend is still in contact with his ex every once in a while? Does it make you feel uncomfortable or insecure?

Whether or not exes should be friends is a controversial subject. But whatever your opinion is, this situation is pretty common and something that couples need to accept the reality of exes hanging out. If you are in that same situation with your beau, here are a few questions you would want to ask to ensure harmless friendship between your S.O. and his ex.

  1. “Does your ex know about us?”

Even if you don’t mind him being friends with his ex, this is an important question to ask to ensure that things are not shady, but be careful not to ask him in an accusatory way.

A ‘no’ as an answer to this question is a red flag. Sometimes, they will add excuses as to why they haven’t yet mentioned about you to his ex, and sometimes they can sound reasonable. Again, regardless of his reason, this is a red flag. Having their ex know about you is a step towards knowing that things are in the safe place.

  • “What’s the reason behind staying friends with your ex?”

Asking this may make you sound interrogative, but affirm him that you have nothing against him and answering this question will make you understand their situation. This question is for you to assess the intent of your partner for remaining in touch with his ex. You may find out that they have to remain in good terms because they have a shared property that they’re processing to split up or they could be co-parenting.

As much as possible, you want to be rational and unselfish towards the situation. As long as your partner has valid reasons, there shouldn’t be a problem to this situation.

  • “How does being friends with your ex benefit your life?”

Again, this doesn’t need to sound like an accusation. You may find out, from asking this question, what does he really get out of this friendship. As a result, you’ll understand your partner more and it’ll be easier for you to accept their friendship.

Sometimes, exes remain friends because they have history together, like being childhood friends, having the same circle of friends or their family have known each other for a long time. However, if the answer to this question is leaning towards emotional benefit, then that is another red flag.

  • “Can I meet your ex?”

If there’s no hidden intention for their friendship, then this shouldn’t be a problem at all. It should appear natural for you to want to get to know the people involved in his social life, just as how you want to get to know his other friends.

Having a partner who is still in contact with their ex shouldn’t be a hindrance to a happy relationship. An open and healthy communication will always be a key factor for a relationship to thrive.