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Love and Relationships

06
Nov

How to Deal with Avoidant Attachment in Your Relationship

Avoidant attachment develops early in life when the child is taught to “deal with the problem” on his/her own without seeking others for help, and when it’s reinforced by the absence of parents to help the child, this carries on well into adulthood.

Because of this, people with avoidant behavior can seem frustrating to deal with. They will tend to wall themselves off and come off as detached and aloof, especially since they seem unwilling to open up about their feelings.

However, this doesn’t mean that your partner is a lost cause – there are ways for you to help in allowing him/her to establish trust and express themselves better and more fully.

Improving Your Intimacy
People who have avoidant attachments struggle to maintain close relationships with their partners, especially since these are the problems that they’re likely to encounter:

• Distance – The most noticeable way that an avoidant person deals with rejection is by walling people off and keeping their feelings to themselves.

• Negativity – Repressing emotions, both negative and positive, is also a defense mechanism that hides vulnerability. However, this also means that they don’t get the chance to develop their skills at expressing or dealing with their own feelings.

• Sabotage – If your partner exhibits avoidant behavior, there’s a good chance he/she will start looking for ways to undermine the relationship to avoid getting “too close”.

One of the most important things to have in a relationship with an avoidant person is patience – it will take the time to get him/her to open up to you. By taking this time, you’ll have a much better chance at getting your desired outcome.

Self-confidence is also another really important trait, as this will let you keep things in perspective when you’re going through tough times with your partner.

Here are other ways that will help you deal with avoidant attachment:
• Don’t take it personally – Most of the time, how your partner deals with your relationship is based on their childhood. Keeping this in mind will put things in perspective.

• Give them space – Everyone needs their “alone” time, and respecting this is a must for anyone in a relationship.

This also extends to letting your partner open up to you on his/her own pace. Once they get used to the stability and their trust, they will start sharing how they feel.

• Don’t be afraid to stand your ground – Don’t lose yourself in the process! Have a solid sense of self is always a good thing, and clear communication with your partner is key in resolving issues that need to be brought up.

While couples’ therapy is often stigmatized, it can actually be really helpful for both you and your partner to get to know each other better and improve your relationship.

Different attachment styles are developed since childhood and carry over onto our adult lives, and keeping this in mind will help you deal with it while standing your ground at the same time.

06
Nov

Why Relationships Go Boring After a While (and How to Avoid It)

When you think of romantic relationships, the first thing that usually comes to mind is the start or the end of them.

But no one really talks about the middle, which is when both parties start to settle in and get used to each other’s presence and involvement in their lives. After the initial “honeymoon phase”, the excitement seems to fade, and this adjustment period is crucial.

Comfortable vs. Boring: What’s the Difference?
There are a few simple signs that help you distinguish whether you’re comfortable with your partner or just bored, such as the following:

• The desire for something new – Boredom essentially means you’re bored, and you want something new. Comfort, meanwhile, feels as if your partner is your “home”, and the person you want to be with when you let down your guard.

• The need for a solution – If you’re bored, you’ll start looking for ways to “not be bored”. This doesn’t happen when you’re comfortable with your significant other.

• The need for happiness – Boredom is never a positive emotion, while comfort feels as if you’ve found “the one” and you’re just taking the time to settle in with your partner.
When you start to notice these signs in how you think and go about your routine, be sure to talk about it with your partner.

How to Bring Back the Spice
The key to any healthy, long-lasting relationship is not falling into the trap of boredom, which is the slow, but ultimate, killer.

Fortunately, there are a lot of ways to keep yourselves from going into this rut. Here’s how you can bring back a little more excitement:

• Add the element of surprise. The biggest reason why couples get bored of each other quickly is because of routine. While it’s great to have one, it’s also easy to feel lazy and get stuck in them, and this is can go south very quickly.

• Do the things that matter to them. With any mature couple, passion comes with a genuine understanding of your partner’s needs – and this extends to doing things that make them happy, even if it doesn’t make sense to you.

• Find change in yourself. Don’t try to change your partner into what you want him/her to be. Instead, try to find a part of yourself where you’re not doing so well, and try to improve it. If you’re not sure where you can improve as a person, ask your partner for feedback!

No love story is like the movies – almost all rom-coms you see are highlight reels of what actually happens, and real life is much more complex than that.

While it’s possible to have a completely fulfilling and satisfying relationship, you also need to accept that you will have a lot of ups and downs with the person you live – and sometimes, even its own dull moments.

10
Jun

Marriage Myths You Should Stop Believing

 

We are often told that getting married will make us happy. That we get to live happily ever after with the man of our dreams, when oftentimes, it is not the case. Believing in many marriage myths is what causes us to create unrealistic expectations, which later leads to disappointments. A good way to avoid such feeling is to stop believing in unhealthy marriage myths and here are some of those myths that are definitely worth leaving behind.

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  1. Love is all that matters and all you’ll need in marriage. While love is a prerequisite in marriage, it won’t really get you farther than the altar. Other than love, there are other factors that you’ll need to work on to make your marriage work, and these factors include commitment, kindness, realistic expectations, tolerance, shared values and more importantly, communication. So stop believing that love is all that’s necessary in having a good marriage.
  1. You complete each other’s shortcomings. Complementing each other can be very helpful in establishing a good relationship, but thinking and expecting that your partner will make up for your shortcomings and complete you is one of those unrealistic expectations in marriage. Yes, you can ask your partner to help you in your shortcomings, but never think that he or she can complete you.

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  1. You share anything and everything. Although sharing means caring, sharing almost everything is quite unrealistic too. You should never feel obliged to share everything with your partner and the same thing goes for him or her as well. Also, don’t expect that your partner will share everything with you, when you yourself isn’t into the idea of sharing everything with him or her.
  1. Having babies will bring you closer. Other than marriage, babies are what makes a couple forever entwined. However, some studies showed that even the birth of the first child pushes people apart as one parent starts to focus more on the child, leaving her partner alone most of the time.
  1. Everything falls into place when you’re with Mr. or Mrs. Right. Believing in Mr. and Mrs. Right isn’t entirely wrong. What’s wrong is believing that everything will fall perfectly into place when you’re with them, because in reality, there will still be times when things will get rough whether or not you’re with your Mr. or Mrs. Right.

Both time and effort are necessary for marriage to work. So instead of believing in these marriage myths, you should just spend your time nurturing yourself and your relationship with your partner to ensure that your marriage become a lifetime bond.

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13
Nov

Indications of a Good Partner

There are so many people who wish to have a better future with their partners. However, there are so many girls who are not who don’t think of the upcoming days because they are blinded by the feeling called love. Most of the time, love is the reason why there are a lot of woman cry. Nevertheless, love or your heart is dictated by your mind (physically saying).

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Thus, when you have chosen to stay with a guy that is not perfect with you, it’s your minds’ choice and it is not the fault of your heart. Actually, when you love someone, you have to think first before you say to the person that you also love him, right? Mind can lead you all the way – all the way to your success or it might be to your failure. Whether you believe it or not, it up to you. But once you say that you’ve done anything but still you’re hurt, then that’s another story.

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Mentally, heart dictates you mind. How? In a sense that you’ve chosen to love someone rather than your parents. It may be a dumb decision but your heart says that you must do it. In reality, if you are in love to a person you don’t listen to advices most especially from your parents. All you have is the promise that he said the he loved you.

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10
Nov

Parents are Always Right

Listening to you parent’s advice when you are in a serious relationship is really an important matter. You need to consult to your parent if you are doubtful about the guy or the girl that you are going to marry. Most of the time, predictions and advices of your parents are true.

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Whatever their decision is, it is still up to you if you choose to stay with your partner because in marriage, you will not rely to your mother and father. You have to stand on your own. Take the best choice and live a happy life. All of us wants to have a perfect marriage life. Basically, there’s no perfect marriage or even relationship because everything goes to a process.

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It is very rare to see a couple that has no problems in their relationship. Actually, even if you re financially stable or not, problem will always hunt you. You cannot avoid it instead you have to embrace it and come up with the best solution that you need. In reality, if you are rich, you’ll think on how to have time to your family which is a very difficult one.

On the other hand, if you are struggling with your finances, you will also think about it. The fact is, you cannot escape problems, you have to get you head up and get ready for the large waves that will come to you. Eventually, you will be get into it and once you are already gained experience, problems would be likely a part of your daily routine.

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