Avoidant attachment develops early in life when the child is taught to “deal with the problem” on his/her own without seeking others for help, and when it’s reinforced by the absence of parents to help the child, this carries on well into adulthood.

Because of this, people with avoidant behavior can seem frustrating to deal with. They will tend to wall themselves off and come off as detached and aloof, especially since they seem unwilling to open up about their feelings.

However, this doesn’t mean that your partner is a lost cause – there are ways for you to help in allowing him/her to establish trust and express themselves better and more fully.

Improving Your Intimacy
People who have avoidant attachments struggle to maintain close relationships with their partners, especially since these are the problems that they’re likely to encounter:

• Distance – The most noticeable way that an avoidant person deals with rejection is by walling people off and keeping their feelings to themselves.

• Negativity – Repressing emotions, both negative and positive, is also a defense mechanism that hides vulnerability. However, this also means that they don’t get the chance to develop their skills at expressing or dealing with their own feelings.

• Sabotage – If your partner exhibits avoidant behavior, there’s a good chance he/she will start looking for ways to undermine the relationship to avoid getting “too close”.

One of the most important things to have in a relationship with an avoidant person is patience – it will take the time to get him/her to open up to you. By taking this time, you’ll have a much better chance at getting your desired outcome.

Self-confidence is also another really important trait, as this will let you keep things in perspective when you’re going through tough times with your partner.

Here are other ways that will help you deal with avoidant attachment:
• Don’t take it personally – Most of the time, how your partner deals with your relationship is based on their childhood. Keeping this in mind will put things in perspective.

• Give them space – Everyone needs their “alone” time, and respecting this is a must for anyone in a relationship.

This also extends to letting your partner open up to you on his/her own pace. Once they get used to the stability and their trust, they will start sharing how they feel.

• Don’t be afraid to stand your ground – Don’t lose yourself in the process! Have a solid sense of self is always a good thing, and clear communication with your partner is key in resolving issues that need to be brought up.

While couples’ therapy is often stigmatized, it can actually be really helpful for both you and your partner to get to know each other better and improve your relationship.

Different attachment styles are developed since childhood and carry over onto our adult lives, and keeping this in mind will help you deal with it while standing your ground at the same time.